The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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