I will die if light touches me.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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