Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
