4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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