I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
