Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
