Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
this hospital has no fireball
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
