In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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