OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
