This is not my ceiling
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
