I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
