The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
