if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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