Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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