I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Don't tell me you're on acid again
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
