her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize