my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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