I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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