Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
