Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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