You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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