ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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