In the future we'll all be gay
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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