This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
