She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
