Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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