just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
This baby is an asshole
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
