well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
