i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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