i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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