The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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