dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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