It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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