did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
