He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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