spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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