laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
