Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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