i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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