There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
