insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
