I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
sex in a hospital.. check
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
