I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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