So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
