Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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