its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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