I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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