just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
