"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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