Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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