I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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