oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
