So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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