there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
