she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i think i just lost a toe
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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