i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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