I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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