If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize