my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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