So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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