shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
