I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
