i think my tv is drunk
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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