i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
