Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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