I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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