I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
