I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize