:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
