They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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