carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
