I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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