I understand why you refuse to be sober now
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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