I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
