i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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