[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i think im in europe. pls send help
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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