i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
