i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
