I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
