Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
We smell like vodka and hangover
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