Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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