I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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