i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
A+ Viking dick
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
