I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize