I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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