his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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