The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
