My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
