I feel like I'm in dance class right now
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize