He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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