Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
