I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
