Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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