UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
