Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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