I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
How external is "for external use only"?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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