I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
