Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
