We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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