I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
