They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
