as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
