i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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