I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
