we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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