Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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