no, he came in my armpit
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
