It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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